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Things My Daughter is Teaching Me

During her nursing strike a few months ago, "Annabella, you're clearly hungry! You're sucking on everything but me! Why won't you eat?"

"Barbi, your soul is clearly starving. You're trying to fill yourself with everything but Me. Why won't you come to Me just for a moment and take in My word?"

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me will never go hungry, and he who believes in Me will never be thirsty.

(John 6:35)

"Annabella, you're SO tired! Why are you fighting going to sleep? Just sleep baby girl!"

"Barbi, you're so tired. Please, come to Me and rest."

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

(Matthew 11:28-30)

"Sweetheart, just because you can't see me doesn't mean I'm not right here. Mommy will never abandon you!"

God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

(Hebrews 13: 5b)

"Oh Bella! What do you want? You're fed, you just woke up, you're changed, Mama's holding you. What more do you want?"

Cease striving and know that I am God.

(Psalm 46:10)

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.

(1 Timothy 6:7)

Oh Jesus, help me learn to let You love me like You want to so that I in turn can love Annabella and Nathan like You so love me. I know I'll never have the patience and the kindness and the love I need if I don't let You first love and take care of me. Thank You for Your patience with me. I'm ever so stubborn! But then again, You already knew that. :-)

Bella and I are more alike than I ever realized.

Bedsharing Nearly Eliminates the Risk of SIDS

Up until now, I haven't blogged about the different types of parenting methods Nathan and I feel passionately about, as I haven't wanted to offend anyone. I still don't, and understand that every mom is different, and every family is different. That being said, the more I research about the different ways of doing things and the more I learn about all the things we're doing, the more confident and passionate I feel about what we're doing. I often wonder if more people wouldn't try some of the things we're doing/discovering if they were more popular or well-known. So, I figured I would share. :-) If you know me, you know that if I feel passionately about something, I just have to share... so here goes with the first one. :-)

Annabella has slept in our bed since the day she was born. She's been safe, and has practically slept through the night since she was little! The first week she had some day/night confusion :-), but once that got figured out, she's slept so well! She does most of her eating at night, but she does it in her sleep and doesn't wake up for it, and I barely do. What this article says about the instinctual position of the breastfeeding mother is SO true! That is exactly how I sleep. She's super cozy!

If I had to pick the single best decision I've made thus far as a mother, it would have to be my decision to breastfeed. I feel as though I could write a book about it and so wish more mothers chose to do it, especially the ones that can or could with minimal effort. So, rather than writing a book, I'll try to post a few things about it here and there. There is so much I could write though, our blog might just become a breastfeeding support blog! :-)

One final thought on this article, this is only one of many I've found about the safety and benefits of bedsharing (but NOT in "mainstream" places); and in fact, one article I read said that the statistical presence of SIDS in Asian countries where bedsharing is the norm shows that SIDS is practically non-existent! And in countries where co-sleeping is the norm it's statistical presence is extremely high.

The AAP recommends that babies be placed to sleep on their backs with a pacifier in their mouths to help prevent SIDS. I so can't help but wonder if that recommendation was taken from observing the benefits of babies who bedshare and nurse frequently in their sleep. Oh how I wish American culture could be more open to the natural way of things instead of always wanting to force the artificial on us and especially our littlest ones.

Lifegiving

So Annabella is 5.5 months old and I'm just now getting around to blogging about her birth. Oh well... better late than never right? I will tie in the title of this post near the end. It's going to be a long one so hang in there... or read in snippets. :-) And do note, there will be talk of bodily fluids and processes and such... it IS a birth story after all.

I'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions for a long time and she'd been dropped for at least 4 weeks. Given all of those signs I could've sworn she was going to be early! Ha! Little did I know. My due date was the 19th of May, which came and quickly (or slowly it felt like) went. Nothing was much different until the 21st. That day I was actually woken up by some completely different contractions! They weren't very hard, but distinctly different. More like menstrual cramps. I've had some wicked cramps since I started menstruating years ago, so who knows how hard they really were, but they weren't very regular and didn't interrupt my day at all.

I had a prenatal appointment with my awesome midwife, Merrie, that day, and she said as she was feeling my belly for Annabella's position, "Wow! Your uterus is really active! Could be any day now!" That night around dinner time, I told Nathan that he'd better start timing the contractions as they seemed to be coming more regularly, with a few that made me go "hm! that was sort of strong." They were definitely regulating themselves, and by about 10pm they were about 10 minutes a part, but not consistently very long. Merrie wanted us to wait until they were about a minute long and roughly 5 minutes apart. Nathan went to bed while I chatted with my best friend, Annie on the phone for a bit, and then tried to go to bed. But I basically just laid there timing contractions until about midnight, and they were way to strong for me to really sleep and they were making me "think real hard :-)" so I needed Nathan to wake up and start timing.

I woke him up (which when he's sound asleep is no small task) and in his grogginess he reached over to grab the stop watch on my night stand and spilled my water glass ALL over our bed! Well, we needed to change the sheets and get it ready for the birth anyway, so this was as good a time as any. As we stripped the bed and got our clean sheets, taped on our shower curtains to protect the bed, and put the "birth sheet" on top (just a sheet we didn't mind getting bloody), the contractions DEFINITELY moved into the over 1 minute under 5 minutes a part mark.

At that point, Nathan called Merrie and she said, "Yeah, probably time to call your people to start heading over to the house. I'll be there soon." Nathan's parents were in Estes Park, so I think he called them first (not too sure at this point as I was working hard), he called my friend Annie in Michigan to tell her (she wasn't coming, just wanted to let her know :-)), my mom who was in Palmer Lake, and then my friends Karalee and Sarah. I'm not sure when she got there, but at some point after that, Merrie showed up to check my dilation status and to see how I and Bella were doing. We all thought I'd only be at 3 or 4 centimeters, oh no! I was already at 7!! We were all so surprised and thought, yay this is going to be short and sweet. All that to say, Merrie told us she had ANOTHER mom in Manitou Springs of all places was in labor at the same time! I was a little nervous by this, but Merrie said this was a second time mom (second baby birth), and that it should go quickly. She said she sent over a doula I'd never met before, but that she trusted to monitor and help coach me while she went to check on this other mom and then hopefully be back over to see me.

I don't really know how long it was before she and the doula I knew (the one who showed up was great! But she just wasn't who I'd expected), Candace, but they did. They said the other mom was in false labor, and I won the dilation contest! The other mom was only at 2 centimeters. :-) Well at this point the contractions were right on top of each other, no break in between, and VERY very strong. Some were so strong I thought I was going vomit, but I never did. Nathan was such an AMAZING coach!! He and my friends, and both moms all did so well at staying calm, and Nathan did great at keeping my mind occupied on some story or Bible verse during each contraction. He was my hero for sure!! But I think mine and everyone's favorite story he told was the one he made up about a saloon! It was pretty funny (though I wasn't laughing at the time :-) after the contraction I did)... I was having so many, he was running out of ideas.

Based on the strength and timing of my contractions and my dilation everyone said I was in transition. I though great!! The toughest part but the shortest part right?? Not for me!! Overall, I was in "transition" for over 10 hours!! Yep. 10, with no break more than a few seconds in between contractions. It was rough, but hey, I didn't know any better and was determined to do it. They monitored Annabella's heart rate off and on and she was doing great the entire time. So throughout this 10 hour period Merrie tried various measures to try to both help my dilation to complete (she checked me again probably about 4 hours or so later and I was only at 8 cm!). She had me walking stairs and stopping to hang on to Nathan during my contractions. So I'd probably walk 2 or 3 steps and then have a contraction, but I did that a couple dozen times. I tried the birth ball, but didn't really like it (LOVE it now for soothing Annabella though!). Merrie gave me different herb tinctures to help things progress, I tried every labor position you can imagine, went back and forth from the bed, the toilet, the birthing stool, upstairs, downstairs, and eventually I caved and tried the tub! (I don't like being wet, so I put it off until about the 10th hour). Also, when Merrie checked me and I was only at 8 cm she said my bag of waters was bulging and ready to break at any minute. She said we could wait for it or she could break it as that might help things along. I let her break it, and while it momentarily relieved some of the pressure, it didn't really help move things along.

So back to being in the tub, which was VERY relaxing.... SOOO should've done it sooner! Just prior to getting in Merrie concluded that I was fully dilated, my contractions just weren't changing. They kept asking me if anything felt different, but alas, no they did not. So at that point, Merrie asked me if I'd bought my chiropractor's full birth plan, which I had, and she said, "I'd like to call him." And I said, "go for it!" My awesome chiropractor, Dr. Davis specializes in pregnant moms, and is amazing at what he does! I hadn't ever seen a chiropractor or even known much about it until I started down this whole home birth road, but I am so 110% a believer in good chiropractic now!! Since I purchased his whole birth care plan, it included his coming to the birth if things were stalled out.

I'm not sure how long it took him to get there (time was totally oblivious to me throughout the birth), but once he got there I was SOOOO exhausted! I tiredly asked him, "is this going to work?" and he confidently said, "yes, it is." Merrie and Nathan and everyone really said that was the first time I'd fully relaxed throughout the entire birth. Apparently, my tailbone was out of whack, so he varied his work between my tailbone and my round ligament (the ligament that connects the pubic bone to the uterus). If that's out of whack then your pelvis can't open properly, and since mine was, my body was postponing things to try to get my body ready for pushing! God is so amazing.

Within 5 minutes of his working on me, my contractions changed and I started to push!!! He had already suggested before this that we move our mattress to the floor (no small feat in our tiny tiny room), but they did as we had me, Dr. Davis, Merrie, Candace, Nathan, and I think Karalee and a few others on the bed all at one time! I then proceeded to push in every position possible (other than standing I think), on the birth stool, lying on my side, hanging onto Nathan with one knee down and one knee up (see picture above! My FAVORITE one of my hero!), and eventually on my back. She usually doesn't have mom's deliver on their back, as its by far THE worst position in which to deliver and is one of the biggest causes for major tears, but after all those other positions, Bella was primed to come out and just needed the laying down angle to get her head all the way through. And I BARELY tore! Just one tiny tear that didn't even need stitches. I never even knew it was there. Never felt it, even weeks after the birth as it was healing!!

After an hour and a half of pushing, Annabella was born! Dr. Davis stayed and worked on me the entire time I pushed and left the moment she was born without seeing her. Later he said he likes to save that moment for the parents. His presence there was truly a Godsend!

The moment she was born, Merrie put her on my chest and she actually lifted her head to look me in the eye! Sooo precious! She stayed on my chest for over an hour before they did anything to her cord. They let it completely drain before cutting it so her body would have time to switch gears from living via cord to sustaining itself and so she could get all her stem cells! It took a while for my placenta to come out, as my uterus was so exhausted, and so I hemorrhaged a bit, but nothing overly dangerous. Once Bella latched on (she totally found my breast herself and latched right on!!!), that helped things a long. She was a champion nurser from birth and is still doing great! It was also such a blessing to have there Nathan's mom, a lactation consultant, and my mom who nursed all three of her kids. Including, my adopted brother and sister, and my sister was 4.5 pounds (I think, VERY small I know that), and has Down Syndrome, so my mom had just about everything working against her in having a successful breastfeeding relationship with my sister, but she persevered and successfully nursed her and my brother well into toddlerhood. Way to go Mom! Quite the inspiration when breastfeeding seems challenging.

I did pass out do to the hemorrhaging but also more from trying to stand to get to the bathroom too soon after the birth. I wasn't out for very long, and once Nathan and Candace who lifted me from a sitting position when I was out cold, got me to the bed I woke up and all was well! I slept through her exam where they weighed and measured her, but they did it right next me and she was happy and alert through the whole thing. In fact, Bella was wide awake and alert for over 3 hours after the birth, and barely cried the entire time! THAT made all the suffering totally and completely worth it.

The birth experience was such a blessing to all of us (Annabella, Nathan and myself and I think everyone there), but the benefits that were passed on to my little girl made every pain absolutely worth it and I cannot wait to do it all again! Words can't describe the moment we finally saw our precious Annabella, but if its possible to experience even a taste of the elation of heaven here on earth.... I believe that was it. Indescribable! I was so thankful too to be alert and in control of what was going on around me, and felt so blessed to get to feel Bella descend and come out as I pushed. I wouldn't trade that for the world! What an incredible blessing it was to get to have my baby girl the way women have done it since the dawn of time. I so wish more women in our country could experience birth in this manner.... both for them and for their children. It was by far the most empowering experience of my life. To know in the end, that I did it! Was the best and most accomplished feeling I've ever had.

So thinking of lifegiving, what got me through the most intense times of suffering was remembering how Jesus suffered to give all of us life. Truly.... though my suffering paled in comparison to what He experienced, I still could feel His presence more closely than ever before and knew I was far from alone in what I was doing... in what I was choosing to experience in order to give my child life. I knew Jesus was there coaching me along just as much as Nathan and Candace and everyone else. What a blessing it was to feel a part of something so much bigger than myself... to experience fellowship with the Lord in a new and unique way as well as to feel a sort of camaraderie with all the women who have given birth in the same way, even from centuries past.... amazing!!!

Oh, how I could go on, but I won't. Only to say that the lifegiving doesn't end with the birth, it only begins... or rather it began when I knew I was pregnant with the choices I made.... but still. I will save my thoughts on mothering as lifegiving for another post. I hope you were blessed by our story. I know we will cherish it always... and we can't wait for Annabella to get to help be a part of bringing her future brothers and sisters into the world within the comfort of our home... Lord willing.

I want to end with some words of thanks to my birth team:

To Merrie - You continue to be such a blessing to our family! God truly has blessed you with a gift in what you do for so many women. I cannot speak more highly of you, and your expertise. Thank you for all your love, wisdom, and patience with me. I could not have done it without you, and you will always hold a special place in my heart! What great rewards await you in heaven for your kind and loving service to so many women! Thank you Merrie.

To Candace - You are going to make one awesome midwife Candace!! You are such a strong woman and such an inspiration. Thank you for helping me through some of my toughest moments and giving me techniques that helped lessen some of those really painful times. Your presence was so calming and I felt so blessed to have you there. You and Merrie make a great team, and I cannot wait to hear all about the love and blessing you will give to all of the mommies you continue to help give life.

To Sarah - I so hope God leads you down the path to midwifery as I think you would be such a powerful witness and sense of strength to so many women around the world! I was so blessed by your servant-heart as well, and your willingness to do whatever was necessary, even if it wasn't pretty! (boy I was thankful you were there during that last part ;-)). I am so thankful God prompted me to ask you to be there. Your strength inspired me, and your kindness blessed me. I am so thankful this experience has bonded us together! :-)

To Karalee - Thank you for being there! What a dear friend you are and what amazing things we have been through over the years. No matter how far a part we are God has still kept us close, and I am most blessed by that. You have always been such a servant and so humble and willing to give, but never more so than during Bella's birth. Thank you for being willing to do whatever, for praying for me, and for rejoicing with me. I hope that one day I can become as servant-hearted as you are.

To Mom Judi - You rock!!! It was so great getting to know you better the weeks leading up to the birth and getting to hear your personal birth experiences as well as those you assisted throughout the years. I was so blessed to have you there and comforted by your presence. Thank you for your generous support of all of our decisions, and for all your continued assistance with breastfeeding Bella. God too has gifted you in what you do, and I know you must bless so many women every day with your expertise, your service and your kindness! Thank you for being there. I am so blessed to have you as my mom-in-law!

To My Mom - I don't ever want to have a baby without you there!!! This whole experience, the birth and motherhood, has brought me closer to you than I've ever felt, and I couldn't be more blessed. You and Dad have always been my number 1 cheerleaders, and it was so comforting to have you there supporting me, and cheering me on when it got hard. I love you so much, and am so thankful for your being there. I loved hearing all about your birth experiences and will forever be inspired by you.... by all you went through to give life not just through birth itself but through loving Ben and Bonnie so well and working so hard to give them the best start possible in life. Thank you for giving me life Mom! I love you!!

To My Amazing Husband Nathan - Words cannot describe how much I admire you! I did so much before Annabella's birth, but the strength (both in character and physically) and patience and kindness and tenderness you ceaselessly showed me during her birth caused my heart to overflow with the utmost respect and admiration for you! You truly are my hero. You never once flinched, or shirked away.... you held either my hand or ME throughout all of it, and showed me such love..... I still get teary-eyed thinking about it. Thank you for loving me Nathan exactly like you knew I needed to be loved.... and still do... I am by far the most blessed woman in the world. Thank you for always striving to be understanding toward me (even if I know you don't REALLY understand my craziness :-)).... thank you for believing in me. I NEVER could've done it without you! You will forever have my heart, my love.

To My Savior and Lord - Thank You for first saving me... for giving me my second birth, my new life. Thank You for blessing me with my most amazing family.... and for creating such a beautiful little girl for me to look after. May how I raise her bless You and bring You glory Lord... for all of this is for You! All praise and honor and glory be to YOU forever and ever. Thank you Lord!

Portland, Teething and Colds... Oh My!

So we just got back from a fun trip to Portland, OR to visit Nathan's parents and grandparents. It was really neat to have four generations in one house! Nathan's dad is the men's pastor at a church out there and they allowed us to go to the nursery and borrow any of their toys we wanted to for the weekend. We borrowed an exersaucer and some sort of toy that Bella could kick and it would make music and other noises. She LOVED that toy!! Oh my word! I'll post pics and videos later. She liked the exersaucer too, but the kicking toy was definitely her top pick. And needless to say she loved all the attention of all the people while we were there.

Nathan and I also got to go on a date while we were there. He took me to the restaurant we went to on our first date, McCormick and Shmicks. I had TASTY salmon, and he had some monster looking sandwich. It was very nice! Nathan's dad proudly donned the Moby Wrap and Bella napped happily during our date and was up and playing when we got back.

She did really well on the plane all things considered, but she didn't really sleep much. In fact, on the trip out there when we landed she was the only baby NOT screaming, and there were a TON of babies on that flight. She just looked around very wide-eyed wondering what in the world was going on! She was actually teething before we left, and had a little tooth poking through, and another one starting to poke through two days after we were there. All of which made eating, and napping, and the likes very difficult. Well, they both went back down, so we got a little reprieve from that, but the very next day Bella woke up with a stuffy nose and I with a sore throat. :-( So now, if her nose doesn't wake her up at night and nap time, mine wakes us both up. So we're tired girls. :-( Looks like Nathan may be getting it too. We shall see. But she's still super smiley for the most part. She's enjoying sitting on my lap and watching the words pass by as I type now. :-)

More to come on our trip to Portland and of course fun pics. But I just wanted to give a quick update to say that our little girl is doing great! OH! And we had the chance to take Bella by Nathan's mom's work to have her weighed. She's a lactation consultant. Bella weighs 14lbs 3oz at 3.5 months. She's almost double her birth weight!! Momma doesn't have low-fat milk, that's for sure!

Well, off to see if we can get another little catnap in and to do more laundry.

3 Month Randomness

It's hard to believe that Bella is already 3 months old, but sure enough she is. I was able to get her in to see the nurse practitioner at a doctor's office my midwife recommended a few weeks before she turned 3 months, and her stats were:

50% for weight

25% for head circumference

5% for length

She said, "she's a little on the short end of the scale, so we'll need to watch her." And I thought to myself, "did you look at me when you walked into the room?" As she towered over me in height. :-) Needless to say, Nathan and I aren't worried about the height issue, and are very pleased at how well our plump girl is growing.

She's started to take a little bit of a longer nap in the morning now, but only if I nap with her. If I don't, she still won't sleep for more than half an hour or an hour if I'm lucky, but I certainly don't mind napping with her. In fact, in the most recent book I've read about natural parenting and natural child spacing (Ecological Breastfeeding) one of the things it recommends is taking a daily nap with your kiddo. So, I've been enjoying that. :-) Makes it a little difficult to get a whole lot done, but I am really rested, and I absolutely cherish those times with her. Though it will be challenging to nap when we have more, I'm hoping if I continue this practice that Bella will come to enjoy it too.

So, that's the news on the 3 month update I suppose. Not much to report, as she is happy and very healthy. She truly is a joy. Even when things are rough in other areas of life, she just brightens our days so much with her million dollar smile. We have chosen to wait on vaccinating her until she is two. I've done so much research on both sides of the issue (all very overwhelming if you ask me), and Nathan and I feel this is the safest compromise between the two arguments as we've weighed the pros and the cons of both. We'll also probably pick and choose what she gets at that point, and are thankful that her nurse practitioner is supportive of our decision.

She and I still see our amazing chiropractor on a somewhat regular basis. Hopefully, more regular should finances allow in the near future. It truly is amazing the difference I see in her if something isn't going well. For instance, there have been a few instances where she's been extremely fussy about nursing on one side to the point where she completing refused to eat on one side for an entire day! I called and asked everyone I knew for advice, but nothing seemed to work. I had an appointment with our chiropractor the next day, and I ran the situation by him thinking, MAYBE he might know of something, and he said, "Oh, no problem! Her neck is probably a little out of alignment." Sure enough! He adjusted her, and her next feed was a BREEZE! And she also barely spits up at all after he adjusts her, and my girl has been a BIG spitter since birth. It's quite amazing.

We're all flying to Portland next week to visit with Nathan's parents over labor day weekend. We're really excited to see them and to just get away. We've really been hit hard by the economic situation, and the cumulative toll it's taking on us is really hard. So, getting away for a bit will be quite the blessing. Though, I am nervous about the packing and hauling of all the STUFF associated with our beautiful girl through the airport, but I know it can be done. :-) Thankfully we'll be flying there together, but Bella and I fly back by ourselves on the way back. Gulp. We shall see!

The Many Faces of Bella

So I still haven't had a chance to blog about the birth or my many thoughts about being a mom, but I have had lots of opportunities to take pictures of my beautiful and highly animated little girl. The other blogs will come later as they continue to ripen in my mind, but for now enjoy these photos of our beautiful, fun Bella. Hard to believe she'll be 6 weeks tomorrow! And that smile.... she's been doing that responsively since she was less than a week old! She never ceases to amaze us!!

Beautiful Bella

Bella made her debut on May 22nd at 1:03pm in our bedroom! We had a very successful home birth that was truly a miracle in many ways. I can't wait to write out my story and share it with you here on this blog. In due time, when things have calmed down a bit. :-)

Bella weighed 7lbs 15.5oz and was 19.5 inches long when she was born. She was alert for hours and a champion nurser from birth. She even pushed herself up on my chest to lift her head to look at me right from birth. She is amazing!! And she's thriving... a week ago she weighed 8lbs 2.5oz, and I know she's growing still.

More later, but I wanted to share the news of our beautiful baby girl. She is the most precious gift ever!! We are so humbled.

Waiting....

Well, today is the big due date. May 19th... but no Annabella yet. I've been having irregular contractions for over a week now, but in the past two days they've gotten stronger and more frequent, but still not all that regular or intense enough that they make me stop what I'm doing. Maybe I'm just stubborn, because they are pulling on my back and lower abdominal area quite a bit and with a decent amount of force, but my midwife said not to get too excited until they start interrupting my life and are regular enough to time. So... thus begins the waiting game.

Nathan's parents are in town and have been since the 8th, and will be until the 30th as that is when Nathan's younger brother is getting married! Nathan is supposed to be a groomsman in the wedding, and we both of course want to be there for it! His whole family will be there too so it would be a great opportunity for Bella to meet people she may not see for a long time (not that SHE'LL remember them at all, but still :-)), but we shall see. We're praying she's not much overdue than 6 days or so, so I have at least a few days to recover (slightly) before the wedding. Thankfully, it's in Denver.

We shall see. So tick tock goes the clock and wait I shall do. If there's one thing I have become very accustomed to in my walk with God it is the big long WAIT.... so as I think back on all the things for which I've waited long and hard (Nathan for one), and for which am still waiting, I figure what's a few more days after 9 months anyway, right?

Stay tuned....

Baby Time!

Well, now that the show is over (and it went REALLY well!) and all classes are taken, and shower celebrations have ended, now it's the waiting game! I am 38 weeks today, and was given the "good to go" at any time stamp of approval from my midwife on Friday at our home visit. So, tick tock... when will she come? She's already dropped, and is head down, and seems to be consistently facing the right way, and I'm all too familiar with Braxton Hicks, so now we just wait.

It's very exciting to think that in matter of weeks (or days!) we will get to meet this little girl who's been growing and poking me from within... and that ALL will change in our lives in such a short amount of time. Our home is full of baby things, a constant reminder that another person will soon be living with us, one who will look to US for all her needs. It's a humbling and sobering thought as well as one that's very exciting and thrilling all at the same time. One of life's many paradoxes I suppose. We are so blessed and cannot wait to love her to pieces!

Here are a few pictures from the showers I've had. We certainly have been blessed with wonderful family and friends as we begin our own journey in creating and nurturing our own family! Thank you all.

Honk Jr!

So for the past several months I've been working very hard on theatrically directing, choreographing, and musically directing a full length musical, Honk Jr! It's been a TON of fun but also a ton of work! The kids range in age from 6 years old to 18 years old, and they all ROCK! Truly. It's going to be a very high quality show, and they have worked so hard and have come so far. I'm so proud of how hard they've worked and are still working that I'm quite shamelessly plugging this show at every possible turn and chance I get. So.... here's my blog plug! :-)

HONK! Junior

Music by George Stiles

Book & Lyrics by Anthony Drewe

Hans Christian Andersen’s classic tale of the Ugly Duckling has been transformed into a modern musical comedy. Written by George Stiles & Anthony Drewe, HONK! tells the story of Ugly, whose odd, gawky looks instantly incite prejudice from his family and neighbors. Separated from the farm and pursued by a hungry Cat, Ugly must find his way, while his loving mother, Ida, searches for him. Along his journey he not only meets lively characters of all shapes and sizes, discovers his true beauty and glorious destiny, but he also finds love and acceptance.

HONK! Junior, with all of its wonderful humor and charm, will captivate audiences of all ages!

Director: Barbi J. Carr

Producer: Lynn M. Hamilton

Technical Director: Jacque Abplanalp

Location: Sunrise Connections Center

• 4005 Lee Vance View, Suite 200 (Near Woodmen & Rangewood)
• Colorado Springs, CO 80920

• PUBLIC Shows:
• April 23: 7:00 PM
• April 24: 7:00 PM
• April 25: 10:00 AM
• April 25: 12:30 PM
• Tickets: $8

For tickets call 719.282.9101 or order online at www.aoct.net

Hope to see you there!!!!

HONK!

Birthday Fun

So Nathan finally turned the big 25 last Sunday! We had a nice quiet day up at my mom's house, where she cooked a big meal for us including grilled steak! Per Nathan's request. He was well-fed that day: homemade belgium waffles with fresh fruit and real whipped cream on them and bacon for breakfast, the steak dinner and homemade french silk pie for dessert. It was definitely a yummy day!

Also to celebrate, my mom's boyfriend took some pregnancy photos for us! It was a lot of fun, and after seeing them hard to believe I was only 32 weeks when these were taken. I'm up to 33 weeks now and am already bigger than when these were taken, but it's all worth it... and though uncomfortable, still fun. :-)

Enjoy the photos!

The Schnauzer of Steel

So apparently, a week or so ago, our miniature schnauzer puppy was out on our deck and decided to or slipped and made the plunge to the ground below when I wasn't home. Now, I have no idea how far down the deck is but the deck is really the roof of the lower level of the house, just fenced off. It's a very nice deck! Just so you can get some perspective, he essentially fell off the roof.

Now my dear husband, who knew in my rather large and pregnant state that I would promptly freak out if he told me right away didn't tell me until a week later when he was sure he was okay. Apparently, Nathan was downstairs and he'd left Asher out on the deck. When he came back up he couldn't find him, went out on the deck and saw him sniffing around downstairs. He said when he went down there to get him he wasn't hurt... not even scratched, just really scared and freaked out. Understandably so!

So it's been at least a week since he took the plunge and I've not noticed ANY difference in him whatsoever... which is very hard to believe. In fact, had Nathan not told me I never would've known. I don't know if he's made of steel or what, but I do NOT know how he could've survived that fall let alone not be hurt in the slightest. Our vet told us when we brought him in for his first appointment that schnauzers were "sturdy" animals. Guess, I didn't really fathom the degree to which she meant!!

Spanish Praises!

Well, thankfully (for all parties involved) I'm feeling much better since my last blog post. Boy was that frustrating though. We did finally get through to the unemployment office and get his file reopened, but only after I used some of the spanish I still remember and went through the spanish line! Boy, they were NOT happy with us, but they did help us. They told us it was like cutting in line, and given how upset they were I didn't argue with them, but I was thinking, "Line? What line? We weren't even given the chance to get IN a line on the english speaking side to begin with." I actually would've been happier if either Nathan or I got the chance to sit on hold on the other line, but that was never an option. On the spanish line, there was actually an option that said, "If you'd like to speak with a representative, press number 3." Not an option on the other line. Once I did that, I heard "the wait time is approximately 30 minutes." And it was! Craziness. So while we're thankful that mess is at least temporarily behind us, we might have to deal with it again, but for a very good reason!!

Nathan signed up with a temp agency this weekend that was was looking for electricians, and he was called in on Monday to fill out paperwork to start work on Tuesday! We are SO thankful!! The work is supposed to be through this Friday, but they could call him off the job at any time (temp work), and it might go through next week too, but they never really know until sometimes the day of. But nevertheless, we are SO thankful for this little bit of relief, no matter how much he actually gets to work. AND the work is at the main army post out here so he gets what's called Davis Bacon wages (dumbed-down version, they're equalized wages that workers get on government institutions like military bases and posts) which are BIG bucks, so he'll make nearly an entire two week pay check from his previous job in less than one week's time!! Truly manna from heaven right now. :-) So, while we still hope that his previous company will call him back, we are thankful that he has this temp job for both the money and for the ease it would be to transition back into his old job if they can call him back to it! But most importantly, we want whatever God may have because that is always better.... and we're completely out of our own ideas at this point anyway... so overall, I suppose we're in a very good place. :-)

In other news, we completed our last Bradley class last night, and now are "officially" trained in the ways of natural childbirth. :-) Nathan even has an "official" coaches card. Of which he is very proud of too. One of the couples in our class already had their baby so it was fun for the last lesson (which was on newborns and postpartum care) to have a live newborn there. :-) And the other other couple is due any day now. So it will be fun to get together again probably in early June or so to show off all of our babies and share our birth stories. We're very excited. Time to start taking a tally of all that we have and will need for both the birth and our little Annabella. Which will be very fun!

So anyway, back to my day of subduing my home so I can begin to think more seriously about all things baby, and to learning to trust God with the troubles of today, because tomorrow most certainly has enough of it's own to worry about without any help from me.

We're Sorry. All Circuits Are Busy. We're Sorry....

Never in my life have I been more angry at an institution than I am right now. And I worked with major medical insurance for 2 and half years! The unemployment office, in their oh so "infinite wisdom" decided that once you've filed an initial claim the ONLY way (and yes, it is the only way, I've called the workforce office in Colorado Springs and talked to an actual homosapien who concurred with my own research on the website that indeed this is the only way) to reopen an existing claim is to call this ONE stinking phone number that, by the way, has been so busy literally ALL week long (Nathan was laid off again on Tuesday morning... and it's now Friday morning) that we're not even getting a standard busy signal, we're getting "We're sorry, all circuits are busy, please try your call again later."

Now, Nathan did get through a couple times, and here's how those lovely occasions transpired. The first one, he got all the way through the automated "give the computer your information so we can waste your time and make you THINK you're going to get helped until we can get you to an actual person who will only ask you for all of this information again" business, only to get to the end of that rigamarole, to hear "You need to speak with a representative. We are currently experiencing an unusually high volume of calls right now. Please try back later." CLICK!!!!!! No, go ahead and stay on the line for an hour or two, or four or five, just a nice friendly CLICK! The second time Nathan got through, it was right at 7:30 in the morning (when the mysterious and seemingly unmanned office supposedly opens) so we're thinking, "alright, we can get this thing reopened and move on with our lives,".... oh, no...no, nnnno, no, NO! He gets all the way through the automated ridiculousness (see description above) only to hear, "Please call back during regular business hours to reach a representative. Office hours are Monday through Friday 7:30am to 4:30pm Mountain time." CLICK! IT WAS FREAKING 7:40AM WHEN HE GOT THROUGH! We proceeded to call back again, and from that point on haven't gotten anything but "we're sorry, all circuits are busy... we're sorry, all circuits are busy..... we're sorry, all circuits are busy........................."

Somehow, at this point.... the whole, saying "We're sorry" to try to soften peoples nerves who have heard that a gagillion times is just patronizing and I wish the happy little recording would just keep it to itself. The least it could do is to cycle through some different recordings, like "Ha! Guess what?? All circuits are busy. Talk to you in a few seconds." Or, "You're STILL trying? Good luck getting through. All circuits are busy." Or just ANYTHING other than the insincere "We're sorry."

Oh, and there's not even an office that we can walk into in person (refer back to the conversation with the homosapien in the Colorado Springs office) to resolve this that way. Isn't that "convenient." I don't know if they're "smart," to try to protect themselves from people like me who also FEEL like me right now, or if it's just plain cowardice. Ask me later and I may feel differently, but right now, I'm voting for just plain cowardice.... IF there's even anyone working in that office at all.

So here we are, me trying to get my frustrations out in a supposedly healthy way and my husband sitting on the phone hitting redial repeatedly. We'd really appreciate your prayers if you're a praying person. I sure am thankful in times like this for what Jesus said in the tail end of the book of John, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Me first. If you belonged to the world it would love you as it's own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." Now, granted I understand fully that this is not the main focus and interpretation of this passage, or perhaps a better phrase is that its not the intended application of this verse. I'm not being persecuted specifically for my faith by any means, but I certainly do feel "hated" by the world and the way that it functions. I know my personality is wired to look at things and see how they could be better, but my faith also wires me to know that the way things are is not how it was meant to be, nor will it remain this way forever. I do take some solace in that during times like this. But it sure doesn't help the frustration I experience in the moment at stupidly organized programs and plans. Not that anything I would come up with would make all parties involved happy... someone always gets the shaft in any sort of plan, you can't please everyone. But, gee... one would think that there has GOT to be a better way of planning something like unemployment, especially in times like this.

But anyway.... God has faithfully taken care of His people through many droughts, famines, and desserts. And to that I will cling as we try to navigate this messed up world right now. I guess I'll go out back and look for some manna while I'm hitting redial over and over again. :-)

So what's my point with all of this..... while I suppose there's many, I guess my heart's cry right now is just.... on many levels, for many things in this world, poverty, starvation, forgotten people right in our own neighborhoods, war torn nations, and the list goes on.... this stupid and petty unemployment thing aside....

I just think things could be better.

Puppy Update & Other News

So we have now experienced three nights in a row of uninterrupted sleep! Other than the one potty time a night which was standard at our other house too. It appears that the heated dog bed, fluffy rug and sweater have done the trick! We are very thankful that Asher is more settled here now, as it was a bit stressful at first, but it looks like we have our happy puppy back. :-)

In other news, I am now officially in my third trimester!!! In some ways, it seems crazy to think that we only have roughly 3 more months until she's here, and then in other ways it's hard to believe it's taken this long. But we're both very excited, and things are progressing very nicely. She's DEFINITELY getting bigger as her movements are much more noticeable... especially at night when she tries to do somersaults. :-) It's funny how God designed it for women (or at least me I suppose who used to be known for sleeping through an earthquake I used to sleep so soundly) to begin to sleep MUCH less soundly in the third trimester. Between multiple potty breaks, hearing every little sound that exists in and around a house at night, Annabella's evening acrobatics, and having to roll over a lot, I'm just not sleeping all that well any more. At least, this time around I get to take naps as needed. :-) Probably won't be so fortunate for kiddo number 2 and on.

The house is almost completely unpacked. Nathan was sick this weekend, still is with a nasty cold, but was REALLY sick and lethargic over the weekend, so he didn't get anything done on "his" pile (the things that I have deemed as his to deal with at least :-)), but we might... just might, be totally unpacked by the end of this coming weekend... we shall see! Then it's on to figuring out what all we need to fit Annabella's things when she comes and as we begin to accumulate things. Rubbermaids are great inventions! :-)

Pupsicle

So I *never* thought in a million years that I would be one of those people who puts sweaters and coats on their little dog. I believe now though, that God in his truly infinite wisdom and some times interesting sense of humor has found yet another way of both humbling me and keeping my judgmental side in check.

Our year and a half year old miniature schnauzer, Asher, who has slept in his own bed since the day we brought him home from the Humane Society at 4 months old, has now, since moving, digressed to jumping up into our bed and not curling up at the foot of the bed mind you... no. Curling up right in the between Nathan and I, and taking all of my blankets with him. Now, if he were doing this just to be cute or something, I would quickly kick him off the bed... but softy me can't bring myself to kick him out of bed when he curls up between us while shivering to the point of practically convulsing. I mean, he shakes the entire bed with his shivers. So I know, he's just trying to get warm.

The house we just moved from was all carpeted and our bedroom was on the top floor, so even when we turned the furnace way down for the night, our room still stayed fairly warm, so we never had a problem with him being cold. Occasionally, when we'd have those arctic blasts of negative degree weather he would get cold, but he would just wake Nathan up, he'd see that Asher was shivering, and we'd tuck a towel in his bed and that seemed to be enough to warm him up. But here... he shivers constantly! We have no carpet, and the bedroom at our cottage is downstairs and made up entirely of stone tile. Beautiful stone tile mind you, but if I were a scrawny little miniature schnauzer with barely any hair (just had him groomed), I don't think I'd want to sleep on that floor either.

So... as I eat my humble pie and begin to look differently at some of the little dogs with sweaters walking around (as long as they're not wearing sunglasses and boas too), I too shall succumb to buying a sweater for our pupsicle, at least for the night, and will continue to hope and pray that between the sweater, the heated dog bed I ordered for him, the rug we're getting for our bedroom, and potentially the use of a hot waterbottle for him to snuggle with... he will once again be warm and cozy and I will be able to sleep without fighting for the covers with a shivering schnauzer.

Who'da thunk that a German dog would need a sweater... oh well. Wish me luck!

Beautiful Mornings

One of these days I'm going to take a picture from our deck of the view we have of Pikes Peak. It's gorgeous! In fact, if I leave the blinds open on one of the windows in our bedroom (and I wake up after daylight) I can see the peak of the mountain from my bed! Too, too cool. Manitou is a very cool town. One of the things I love is driving down the hill and seeing a guy with thick dreads sitting on his porch playing his guitar and stopping long enough to wave to us! Maybe I'll bring my guitar out on the deck and join in the neighborhood melody. :-) Just minus the dreads.

On another less exciting note. We're getting a washer and dryer installed tomorrow and I'm actually EXCITED to do laundry. I'm sure that will last all of two *maybe* three loads... but hey, I'll take the motivation while I can. :-)

We have our first prenatal appointment with our midwife tonight! We're looking forward to it. We always like getting to hear our little girl's heartbeat and learning more about how she's doing in there.

And one final thought... I am amazed at how much my husband knows about things. Is random knowledge about all sorts of things stereotypically "man" related just embedded in certain guy's genetic make-up? My dad was the same way, so maybe it's just something in our family, but man... Nathan just continues to astound me every day. Yesterday, he installed a dryer vent, and knew exactly what to ask for at Home Depot, knew how to run it and even anchor it to the ceiling. He changed out an outlet in preparation for the new washer and dryer (something I knew he knew how to do being an electrician and all), and he's done a whole slew of other things around the house too. But beyond that... he know things about new cars we see on the road though he doesn't read car magazines, and he knows what teams are playing for seemingly any given sport event on nearly any given weekend... I just don't get it, because we don't get tv reception where we're living now, he's RARELY on the computer, and we don't get sports OR car magazines.... my dad was totally the same way. Their food tastes are even the same... Nathan's favorite meals are stir-fry (my dad's recipe) and breakfast burritos (my dad's recipe) and his favorite hot sauce is Tapatio (my dad's discovery and favorite). They both put it on everything that can/could.

While we were moving, Nathan found a briefcase hidden in our garage of a BUNCH of tools my mom gave him as they were my dad's and most hadn't even been opened. He'd forgotten about them, and I tell you when he opened that thing it was like a kid in a candy store!!!! He was in tool heaven. :-) Needless to say it's in a place where it's readily accessible and I believe several of the tools have already been used. When I saw his reaction to the tools, I just laughed and said... "One of these days you and my dad are going to have a very long conversation full of lots of laughs and guffawing in heaven." It's fun to watch. And I truly am the most blessed woman in the world. Nathan never ceases to amaze me.... can't wait to see him hold Bella.

Trying Again

So our first blog attempt was not that successful, but now that much has occurred in our little lives we thought we'd try again. We recently moved out of our 3 bedroom 2.5 bath town home on the far north side of town into a little 1 bedroom 1 bath cottage on the far west side of town, and are loving it! It's small, especially considering our newest addition coming around mid-May, but we actually like it a lot better than our other place. We are much more well suited to smaller homes, I think. Asher is taking some time to adjust to not having a yard he can run around in without a leash, but he is enjoying the deck and being able to see and bark at all the MANY dogs in the neighborhood, so perhaps that will satiate him for a bit. :-)

Also, just before moving into our new home (we're not settled by any means yet, but little by little we're getting there), Nathan got a wonderful job just 20 minutes from our new home! It's been such a blessing, and Nathan LOVES going to work everyday now... something he hasn't had in a long time. So, we're very thankful for that. If all goes well (as it appears to be going), he'll be given a company truck at the end of his 30 day probationary period (ending around mid-February), and be considered a "supervisor" in the company. It truly has been a God-send and the job that Nathan has wanted for a long time. So we are so blessed!

Just as I came up on my six month mark with our pregnancy, we spent a lot of time praying about and thinking about where and how we both want to have our little Annabella. After MUCH research, conversation with others, prayer and thought we have happily decided to commit to having a home birth! Yep... in our little mountain cottage. We're VERY pleased with and encouraged by the midwife we chose and have been loving our natural childbirth class. We HIGHLY recommend the Bradley Method to anyone considering a birthing class in the near future. We will be putting together a "prayer team" to cover the remainder of our pregnancy and especially the birth very soon, so if you're interested in being a part of that do let us know. We'd be happy to add you. We're looking forward to getting to tell the story of Bella's entrance into this world and are faithfully trusting in God as He has so clearly guided us to this decision. We're pretty stoked!

I am currently directing a musical with a children's theater company out here in Colorado. www.aoct.net if you'd like to check it out. :-) It's a LOT of fun, but a lot of work too. I'm really pumped though after each rehearsal because all of the kids are working very hard, and it should end up being a VERY quality show. If you're in the area when it opens in April, please do come. It may be performed by kids (ages 6-18) but it's not by any means childish! These kids are totally coming at it as professionals and are working their butts off, and the show itself is very high quality, and a ton of fun. Honk Jr! Contact me for more info, but I'm sure you'll hear me mention it again. I'm directing, choreographing, and musically directing the whole thing, so it's my biggest project thus far in my creative career!

Other than all of THAT... we're just trying to get settled into our little cottage. Nathan is loving making little repairs here and there (boy, I'm sure glad he's loving doing that :-)... hope it lasts a while ;-)) getting familiar with our new neighborhood (the neighbors are great!), and just trying to prepare ourselves as best we can for our upcoming adventures.... birth and parenting! :-)

That's all for now... but as things come up, I'm sure there will be more. Thanks for listening to our babble (or mine rather :-)), and we'll post some ultrasound pictures of our little girl soon. And in a few months........ the real thing!!!