Lifegiving

So Annabella is 5.5 months old and I'm just now getting around to blogging about her birth. Oh well... better late than never right? I will tie in the title of this post near the end. It's going to be a long one so hang in there... or read in snippets. :-) And do note, there will be talk of bodily fluids and processes and such... it IS a birth story after all.

I'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions for a long time and she'd been dropped for at least 4 weeks. Given all of those signs I could've sworn she was going to be early! Ha! Little did I know. My due date was the 19th of May, which came and quickly (or slowly it felt like) went. Nothing was much different until the 21st. That day I was actually woken up by some completely different contractions! They weren't very hard, but distinctly different. More like menstrual cramps. I've had some wicked cramps since I started menstruating years ago, so who knows how hard they really were, but they weren't very regular and didn't interrupt my day at all.

I had a prenatal appointment with my awesome midwife, Merrie, that day, and she said as she was feeling my belly for Annabella's position, "Wow! Your uterus is really active! Could be any day now!" That night around dinner time, I told Nathan that he'd better start timing the contractions as they seemed to be coming more regularly, with a few that made me go "hm! that was sort of strong." They were definitely regulating themselves, and by about 10pm they were about 10 minutes a part, but not consistently very long. Merrie wanted us to wait until they were about a minute long and roughly 5 minutes apart. Nathan went to bed while I chatted with my best friend, Annie on the phone for a bit, and then tried to go to bed. But I basically just laid there timing contractions until about midnight, and they were way to strong for me to really sleep and they were making me "think real hard :-)" so I needed Nathan to wake up and start timing.

I woke him up (which when he's sound asleep is no small task) and in his grogginess he reached over to grab the stop watch on my night stand and spilled my water glass ALL over our bed! Well, we needed to change the sheets and get it ready for the birth anyway, so this was as good a time as any. As we stripped the bed and got our clean sheets, taped on our shower curtains to protect the bed, and put the "birth sheet" on top (just a sheet we didn't mind getting bloody), the contractions DEFINITELY moved into the over 1 minute under 5 minutes a part mark.

At that point, Nathan called Merrie and she said, "Yeah, probably time to call your people to start heading over to the house. I'll be there soon." Nathan's parents were in Estes Park, so I think he called them first (not too sure at this point as I was working hard), he called my friend Annie in Michigan to tell her (she wasn't coming, just wanted to let her know :-)), my mom who was in Palmer Lake, and then my friends Karalee and Sarah. I'm not sure when she got there, but at some point after that, Merrie showed up to check my dilation status and to see how I and Bella were doing. We all thought I'd only be at 3 or 4 centimeters, oh no! I was already at 7!! We were all so surprised and thought, yay this is going to be short and sweet. All that to say, Merrie told us she had ANOTHER mom in Manitou Springs of all places was in labor at the same time! I was a little nervous by this, but Merrie said this was a second time mom (second baby birth), and that it should go quickly. She said she sent over a doula I'd never met before, but that she trusted to monitor and help coach me while she went to check on this other mom and then hopefully be back over to see me.

I don't really know how long it was before she and the doula I knew (the one who showed up was great! But she just wasn't who I'd expected), Candace, but they did. They said the other mom was in false labor, and I won the dilation contest! The other mom was only at 2 centimeters. :-) Well at this point the contractions were right on top of each other, no break in between, and VERY very strong. Some were so strong I thought I was going vomit, but I never did. Nathan was such an AMAZING coach!! He and my friends, and both moms all did so well at staying calm, and Nathan did great at keeping my mind occupied on some story or Bible verse during each contraction. He was my hero for sure!! But I think mine and everyone's favorite story he told was the one he made up about a saloon! It was pretty funny (though I wasn't laughing at the time :-) after the contraction I did)... I was having so many, he was running out of ideas.

Based on the strength and timing of my contractions and my dilation everyone said I was in transition. I though great!! The toughest part but the shortest part right?? Not for me!! Overall, I was in "transition" for over 10 hours!! Yep. 10, with no break more than a few seconds in between contractions. It was rough, but hey, I didn't know any better and was determined to do it. They monitored Annabella's heart rate off and on and she was doing great the entire time. So throughout this 10 hour period Merrie tried various measures to try to both help my dilation to complete (she checked me again probably about 4 hours or so later and I was only at 8 cm!). She had me walking stairs and stopping to hang on to Nathan during my contractions. So I'd probably walk 2 or 3 steps and then have a contraction, but I did that a couple dozen times. I tried the birth ball, but didn't really like it (LOVE it now for soothing Annabella though!). Merrie gave me different herb tinctures to help things progress, I tried every labor position you can imagine, went back and forth from the bed, the toilet, the birthing stool, upstairs, downstairs, and eventually I caved and tried the tub! (I don't like being wet, so I put it off until about the 10th hour). Also, when Merrie checked me and I was only at 8 cm she said my bag of waters was bulging and ready to break at any minute. She said we could wait for it or she could break it as that might help things along. I let her break it, and while it momentarily relieved some of the pressure, it didn't really help move things along.

So back to being in the tub, which was VERY relaxing.... SOOO should've done it sooner! Just prior to getting in Merrie concluded that I was fully dilated, my contractions just weren't changing. They kept asking me if anything felt different, but alas, no they did not. So at that point, Merrie asked me if I'd bought my chiropractor's full birth plan, which I had, and she said, "I'd like to call him." And I said, "go for it!" My awesome chiropractor, Dr. Davis specializes in pregnant moms, and is amazing at what he does! I hadn't ever seen a chiropractor or even known much about it until I started down this whole home birth road, but I am so 110% a believer in good chiropractic now!! Since I purchased his whole birth care plan, it included his coming to the birth if things were stalled out.

I'm not sure how long it took him to get there (time was totally oblivious to me throughout the birth), but once he got there I was SOOOO exhausted! I tiredly asked him, "is this going to work?" and he confidently said, "yes, it is." Merrie and Nathan and everyone really said that was the first time I'd fully relaxed throughout the entire birth. Apparently, my tailbone was out of whack, so he varied his work between my tailbone and my round ligament (the ligament that connects the pubic bone to the uterus). If that's out of whack then your pelvis can't open properly, and since mine was, my body was postponing things to try to get my body ready for pushing! God is so amazing.

Within 5 minutes of his working on me, my contractions changed and I started to push!!! He had already suggested before this that we move our mattress to the floor (no small feat in our tiny tiny room), but they did as we had me, Dr. Davis, Merrie, Candace, Nathan, and I think Karalee and a few others on the bed all at one time! I then proceeded to push in every position possible (other than standing I think), on the birth stool, lying on my side, hanging onto Nathan with one knee down and one knee up (see picture above! My FAVORITE one of my hero!), and eventually on my back. She usually doesn't have mom's deliver on their back, as its by far THE worst position in which to deliver and is one of the biggest causes for major tears, but after all those other positions, Bella was primed to come out and just needed the laying down angle to get her head all the way through. And I BARELY tore! Just one tiny tear that didn't even need stitches. I never even knew it was there. Never felt it, even weeks after the birth as it was healing!!

After an hour and a half of pushing, Annabella was born! Dr. Davis stayed and worked on me the entire time I pushed and left the moment she was born without seeing her. Later he said he likes to save that moment for the parents. His presence there was truly a Godsend!

The moment she was born, Merrie put her on my chest and she actually lifted her head to look me in the eye! Sooo precious! She stayed on my chest for over an hour before they did anything to her cord. They let it completely drain before cutting it so her body would have time to switch gears from living via cord to sustaining itself and so she could get all her stem cells! It took a while for my placenta to come out, as my uterus was so exhausted, and so I hemorrhaged a bit, but nothing overly dangerous. Once Bella latched on (she totally found my breast herself and latched right on!!!), that helped things a long. She was a champion nurser from birth and is still doing great! It was also such a blessing to have there Nathan's mom, a lactation consultant, and my mom who nursed all three of her kids. Including, my adopted brother and sister, and my sister was 4.5 pounds (I think, VERY small I know that), and has Down Syndrome, so my mom had just about everything working against her in having a successful breastfeeding relationship with my sister, but she persevered and successfully nursed her and my brother well into toddlerhood. Way to go Mom! Quite the inspiration when breastfeeding seems challenging.

I did pass out do to the hemorrhaging but also more from trying to stand to get to the bathroom too soon after the birth. I wasn't out for very long, and once Nathan and Candace who lifted me from a sitting position when I was out cold, got me to the bed I woke up and all was well! I slept through her exam where they weighed and measured her, but they did it right next me and she was happy and alert through the whole thing. In fact, Bella was wide awake and alert for over 3 hours after the birth, and barely cried the entire time! THAT made all the suffering totally and completely worth it.

The birth experience was such a blessing to all of us (Annabella, Nathan and myself and I think everyone there), but the benefits that were passed on to my little girl made every pain absolutely worth it and I cannot wait to do it all again! Words can't describe the moment we finally saw our precious Annabella, but if its possible to experience even a taste of the elation of heaven here on earth.... I believe that was it. Indescribable! I was so thankful too to be alert and in control of what was going on around me, and felt so blessed to get to feel Bella descend and come out as I pushed. I wouldn't trade that for the world! What an incredible blessing it was to get to have my baby girl the way women have done it since the dawn of time. I so wish more women in our country could experience birth in this manner.... both for them and for their children. It was by far the most empowering experience of my life. To know in the end, that I did it! Was the best and most accomplished feeling I've ever had.

So thinking of lifegiving, what got me through the most intense times of suffering was remembering how Jesus suffered to give all of us life. Truly.... though my suffering paled in comparison to what He experienced, I still could feel His presence more closely than ever before and knew I was far from alone in what I was doing... in what I was choosing to experience in order to give my child life. I knew Jesus was there coaching me along just as much as Nathan and Candace and everyone else. What a blessing it was to feel a part of something so much bigger than myself... to experience fellowship with the Lord in a new and unique way as well as to feel a sort of camaraderie with all the women who have given birth in the same way, even from centuries past.... amazing!!!

Oh, how I could go on, but I won't. Only to say that the lifegiving doesn't end with the birth, it only begins... or rather it began when I knew I was pregnant with the choices I made.... but still. I will save my thoughts on mothering as lifegiving for another post. I hope you were blessed by our story. I know we will cherish it always... and we can't wait for Annabella to get to help be a part of bringing her future brothers and sisters into the world within the comfort of our home... Lord willing.

I want to end with some words of thanks to my birth team:

To Merrie - You continue to be such a blessing to our family! God truly has blessed you with a gift in what you do for so many women. I cannot speak more highly of you, and your expertise. Thank you for all your love, wisdom, and patience with me. I could not have done it without you, and you will always hold a special place in my heart! What great rewards await you in heaven for your kind and loving service to so many women! Thank you Merrie.

To Candace - You are going to make one awesome midwife Candace!! You are such a strong woman and such an inspiration. Thank you for helping me through some of my toughest moments and giving me techniques that helped lessen some of those really painful times. Your presence was so calming and I felt so blessed to have you there. You and Merrie make a great team, and I cannot wait to hear all about the love and blessing you will give to all of the mommies you continue to help give life.

To Sarah - I so hope God leads you down the path to midwifery as I think you would be such a powerful witness and sense of strength to so many women around the world! I was so blessed by your servant-heart as well, and your willingness to do whatever was necessary, even if it wasn't pretty! (boy I was thankful you were there during that last part ;-)). I am so thankful God prompted me to ask you to be there. Your strength inspired me, and your kindness blessed me. I am so thankful this experience has bonded us together! :-)

To Karalee - Thank you for being there! What a dear friend you are and what amazing things we have been through over the years. No matter how far a part we are God has still kept us close, and I am most blessed by that. You have always been such a servant and so humble and willing to give, but never more so than during Bella's birth. Thank you for being willing to do whatever, for praying for me, and for rejoicing with me. I hope that one day I can become as servant-hearted as you are.

To Mom Judi - You rock!!! It was so great getting to know you better the weeks leading up to the birth and getting to hear your personal birth experiences as well as those you assisted throughout the years. I was so blessed to have you there and comforted by your presence. Thank you for your generous support of all of our decisions, and for all your continued assistance with breastfeeding Bella. God too has gifted you in what you do, and I know you must bless so many women every day with your expertise, your service and your kindness! Thank you for being there. I am so blessed to have you as my mom-in-law!

To My Mom - I don't ever want to have a baby without you there!!! This whole experience, the birth and motherhood, has brought me closer to you than I've ever felt, and I couldn't be more blessed. You and Dad have always been my number 1 cheerleaders, and it was so comforting to have you there supporting me, and cheering me on when it got hard. I love you so much, and am so thankful for your being there. I loved hearing all about your birth experiences and will forever be inspired by you.... by all you went through to give life not just through birth itself but through loving Ben and Bonnie so well and working so hard to give them the best start possible in life. Thank you for giving me life Mom! I love you!!

To My Amazing Husband Nathan - Words cannot describe how much I admire you! I did so much before Annabella's birth, but the strength (both in character and physically) and patience and kindness and tenderness you ceaselessly showed me during her birth caused my heart to overflow with the utmost respect and admiration for you! You truly are my hero. You never once flinched, or shirked away.... you held either my hand or ME throughout all of it, and showed me such love..... I still get teary-eyed thinking about it. Thank you for loving me Nathan exactly like you knew I needed to be loved.... and still do... I am by far the most blessed woman in the world. Thank you for always striving to be understanding toward me (even if I know you don't REALLY understand my craziness :-)).... thank you for believing in me. I NEVER could've done it without you! You will forever have my heart, my love.

To My Savior and Lord - Thank You for first saving me... for giving me my second birth, my new life. Thank You for blessing me with my most amazing family.... and for creating such a beautiful little girl for me to look after. May how I raise her bless You and bring You glory Lord... for all of this is for You! All praise and honor and glory be to YOU forever and ever. Thank you Lord!